I have been toying with the idea of writing this article for a while. How our lives are made up of many different personas competing for our focus and attention often in conflicting and unsurmountable ways. Yet it was not until the worst type of diagnosis hit our inner sanctum that I realized how fragile this was – described to me as “One dark star in a starry starry night” by a brave and inspirational soul. Leading to stress so extreme my face froze and a wonky version of myself peered back in the mirror. Time for rest, time to reflect, time to recharge. This is what I have learned….
This is not a female challenge this is a human challenge.
To be a great mother and father to our children, to provide for, nurture, love, protect, support and grow. The center of our universe, all-consuming and relentless, sometimes thankless but all essential. To work through the infinite list of things to do to keep the wheels turning for a bustling family life.
To be a great wife, husband, life partner. To provide with, to be loyal, to support physically and emotionally, to grow with, to be available for, to still be the person they fell in love with. To find time away from the parenting role to just be two.
To be a good daughter or son to ailing parents. Some of which are now living life without their soul mates by their side, shrouded in grief. Always conscious of how much time they are spending alone, fed by guilt. Sacrificing any windows of potential down time to carve out time for them. To care for and protect, a role reversal in many ways. Where we become the parent to our parents. Still gathering memories for as long as we can, with my very best friend in the world.
To honor the years of study, academic prowess and life experience to fulfil our career persona’s. To contribute to society, to our households, to ourselves. To find a higher purpose in work that feeds our identities, our financial freedom, our choices. For me, this persona turns up as a businessperson, a consultant, facilitator and coach. To truly be in our client’s corners, encouraging, educating, nurturing and growing. To bring light and growth to rebuild even when our own tanks are empty.
To our hand-picked family, our circle of friends. The people who really know you inside and out. These too are relationships that need time, attention and continued life experiences to keep them alive. Sought out more and more I find as we get older and potentially more disgruntled with our maxed-out lives. A place to relax, to vent, to seek solace, to laugh, to see a hint of the people we used to be, when we were young and free.
To immediately understand that when one persona is thriving, it compromises the others…. When work is going well it takes away from home, when home commitments are heightened it leads to working late into the evenings. Family and friends craving and booking in time often months in advance with every minute of every day allocated to something or someone……to the ultimate sacrifice of self.
When the worst news hit, no balls were dropped. Each persona relentlessly pursued and fulfilled; expectations still expected to be met. The highly capable and bankable version of me, with a never-ending list of to dos for others. Easier just to do it all than pause to ask for help. Forge on, keep going until your body and mind say NO.
A shot sent across my bough, a frozen face in the form of bell’s palsy. I wonder now while writing this would I have stopped if it was not for something so drastic as a wonky face peering back at me in the mirror. The realization that the most important persona of all is the relationship and love affair we have with ourselves. If we lose ourselves, we can lose it all.
Persona of me – time to be alone, to reflect, to recharge, to self-care, to sacrifice the demands of the other personas to fill our tanks back up. I talk all the time to my clients about tapping into their wellbeing kits, knowing this is the way to replenish and refill. To stay at home with my tribe, to read to escape rather than learn, make home made soup to replenish the soul, mindful reflexology and massage, long walks with my boy, making up care boxes for loved ones who have been dealt awful news, time to just stop and be still and capturing my feelings and learnings in this article. Good to know my well-intentioned advice works.
How my tribe jumped in to offer support…. a high performing and caring team swooping around me and scooping up my work, with demands of “rest” and “don’t dare read these emails!.” Friends dropping round homemade treacle farls and cookies but not coming in, long walks with my boy lovingly teaching me how to say “NO” “No chance” “Not happening”, loving messages, red hearts and cards of support from family and friends, a much-needed gift of time away to relax completely with the man who provides the very foundation of my life, now affectionately named “My wee wonky wife”. Thanks to my Mum and my husband’s family for allowing this to happen.
I feel ultimately grateful for my ordinary, extraordinary life and all the personas that pack it so full. I would not be the person I am without serving these roles to the fullest of my capacity, but like everything in life there is a balance that must be struck. So, if the answer you next receive is “No,” “Not available” or “Not Yet,” I ask for your patience and acceptance, knowing it comes from a place of goodwill, of self-preservation and self-love. It is OK to not be everything to everyone all the time, how can we possibly be?
I summon up everything in me, to see this dark star in my family member’s life to be cured. At a time like this, there is only love.
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I have been toying with the idea of writing this article for a while. How our lives are made up of many different personas competing for our focus and attention often in conflicting and unsurmountable ways. Yet it was not until the worst type of diagnosis hit our inner sanctum that I realized how fragile this was – described to me as “One dark star in a starry starry night” by a brave and inspirational soul. Leading to stress so extreme my face froze and a wonky version of myself peered back in the mirror. Time for rest, time to reflect, time to recharge. This is what I have learned….
This is not a female challenge this is a human challenge.
To be a great mother and father to our children, to provide for, nurture, love, protect, support and grow. The center of our universe, all-consuming and relentless, sometimes thankless but all essential. To work through the infinite list of things to do to keep the wheels turning for a bustling family life.
To be a great wife, husband, life partner. To provide with, to be loyal, to support physically and emotionally, to grow with, to be available for, to still be the person they fell in love with. To find time away from the parenting role to just be two.
To be a good daughter or son to ailing parents. Some of which are now living life without their soul mates by their side, shrouded in grief. Always conscious of how much time they are spending alone, fed by guilt. Sacrificing any windows of potential down time to carve out time for them. To care for and protect, a role reversal in many ways. Where we become the parent to our parents. Still gathering memories for as long as we can, with my very best friend in the world.
To honor the years of study, academic prowess and life experience to fulfil our career persona’s. To contribute to society, to our households, to ourselves. To find a higher purpose in work that feeds our identities, our financial freedom, our choices. For me, this persona turns up as a businessperson, a consultant, facilitator and coach. To truly be in our client’s corners, encouraging, educating, nurturing and growing. To bring light and growth to rebuild even when our own tanks are empty.
To our hand-picked family, our circle of friends. The people who really know you inside and out. These too are relationships that need time, attention and continued life experiences to keep them alive. Sought out more and more I find as we get older and potentially more disgruntled with our maxed-out lives. A place to relax, to vent, to seek solace, to laugh, to see a hint of the people we used to be, when we were young and free.
To immediately understand that when one persona is thriving, it compromises the others…. When work is going well it takes away from home, when home commitments are heightened it leads to working late into the evenings. Family and friends craving and booking in time often months in advance with every minute of every day allocated to something or someone……to the ultimate sacrifice of self.
When the worst news hit, no balls were dropped. Each persona relentlessly pursued and fulfilled; expectations still expected to be met. The highly capable and bankable version of me, with a never-ending list of to dos for others. Easier just to do it all than pause to ask for help. Forge on, keep going until your body and mind say NO.
A shot sent across my bough, a frozen face in the form of bell’s palsy. I wonder now while writing this would I have stopped if it was not for something so drastic as a wonky face peering back at me in the mirror. The realization that the most important persona of all is the relationship and love affair we have with ourselves. If we lose ourselves, we can lose it all.
Persona of me – time to be alone, to reflect, to recharge, to self-care, to sacrifice the demands of the other personas to fill our tanks back up. I talk all the time to my clients about tapping into their wellbeing kits, knowing this is the way to replenish and refill. To stay at home with my tribe, to read to escape rather than learn, make home made soup to replenish the soul, mindful reflexology and massage, long walks with my boy, making up care boxes for loved ones who have been dealt awful news, time to just stop and be still and capturing my feelings and learnings in this article. Good to know my well-intentioned advice works.
How my tribe jumped in to offer support…. a high performing and caring team swooping around me and scooping up my work, with demands of “rest” and “don’t dare read these emails!.” Friends dropping round homemade treacle farls and cookies but not coming in, long walks with my boy lovingly teaching me how to say “NO” “No chance” “Not happening”, loving messages, red hearts and cards of support from family and friends, a much-needed gift of time away to relax completely with the man who provides the very foundation of my life, now affectionately named “My wee wonky wife”. Thanks to my Mum and my husband’s family for allowing this to happen.
I feel ultimately grateful for my ordinary, extraordinary life and all the personas that pack it so full. I would not be the person I am without serving these roles to the fullest of my capacity, but like everything in life there is a balance that must be struck. So, if the answer you next receive is “No,” “Not available” or “Not Yet,” I ask for your patience and acceptance, knowing it comes from a place of goodwill, of self-preservation and self-love. It is OK to not be everything to everyone all the time, how can we possibly be?
I summon up everything in me, to see this dark star in my family member’s life to be cured. At a time like this, there is only love.